Clémentine on stage with VISIONS OF ATLANTIS

20 thoughts to recall when dealing with rejection and regain self-confidence

Hello and welcome to my blog! 

My name is Clémentine and for the past 10 years, I have been touring worldwide as a singer in the Metal music genre. Visit my about page to get to know more about me! If my current musical career is successful in its niche and receives love from every corner of this planet, things haven’t always been this way.

Rather the opposite actually. I’ve been a bullied kid and teenager and nothing at that time was carving the path to success and popularity. At the end of this article I will share 20 of the thoughts to deal with rejection and regain self-confidence, that I personally developed and which saved my life through these hard times; they helped me shape the mindset which now enables me to live my dream!

But before I do that, I would like to share my story with you.

Self-confidence has nothing to do with the amount of love and praise you receive; it’s a tree you water from within.

Clémentine Delauney

When your inner world falls apart…

I was born and grew up in the suburbs of Paris, France and I lived quite a happy childhood. I remember myself being full of self-confidence and feeling that I could achieve anything I wanted. I felt loved, I felt complete, I believed in my growing qualities as I walked through life.I had friends, I was succeeding in school and other activities, everything was fine. Until that fateful afternoon of Spring in 1995, at the age of 8, when I heard these 9 words that were about to destroy everything I thought was true about my world.

Mum and I just had a nap on the couch. I woke up as she was stroking my hair and when I was still dizzy, I heard her whisper “Dad and I are going to split up”. I can still hear these words as though this happened yesterday. They felt like heavy pointy stones falling from my heart deep inside my empty stomach. I held my breath and didn’t know what to say. I think I just burst into tears.

At the end of the Summer of that very same year, my sister and I moved down to Lyon as my mum had found a good job there. It was the first time I moved. The first time I had to leave everything behind: my friends, my house with my garden, my habits, my Dad – in short, my beloved world, full of memories of a united family…

I had seen my best friend’s parents split up and I was so convinced this would never happen to my own parents (even though with time, I realized I saw the signs way ahead…). My beliefs about this world, love, marriage, happiness, broke into pieces, together with my heart that up until now, still carry the scars from the pain I felt when my family fell apart. Back then I felt that never again will my parents be together, never again will life feel whole and complete. From that moment on, someone, something, would always be missing… And suddenly, a dark veil started to cover the sun, joy and innocence felt like places I had lost the way to and the thought of ever forming a loving family sounded like a cruel lie or an impossible reality. If my parents, my heroes, failed, why and how, could I succeed…

…and the external world doesn’t seem to appreciate you

In September 1995, I arrived into this new small school which was in a building in the city center with no outdoor playground. There were 3 classes, one for the smallest grade and 2 combining 2 grades each.

I knew nobody of course but I was happy to arrive there in September and not like Kat from “Casper” (I loved this movie so much!), arriving in the middle of the year and being quite rejected by her classmates. I was far from expecting this was exactly what was going to happen to me.

Kat & Casper
Casper & Kat (1995)

I behaved in this new class the way I always did in my previous school and which used to bring me sort of an admiration and respect from other pupils back then. I raised my hand when I knew the answers, I could recite poetry perfectly with the right tone and even heartfelt movements which made quite an impression on the class. I started to make some friends but at the same time gained attention from a certain group of 5-6 pupils, led by 2 girls who had the lead in popularity before I arrived. Of course, I knew nothing about it.  But from one day to the next they rocked my world, turned my new friends against me, created specific jokes and mockeries targeting me and made sure I would not gain any support nor validation from anyone, on a daily basis.

Daily insults, laughs, even physical abuse. They hated me and wanted me to know it every single day. In the class, in the playground, at lunch, during excursions. Going to school became a nightmare. My stomach turned into a huge knot in the morning and I turned into waterfalls of tears in the arms of my babysitter every evening. I couldn’t see a way out. I had to go to school. I had to be in that same class. I had to face this first massive rejection that I felt was so unfair. It lasted for the entire year. 

I felt so miserable, so worthless, so lonely. The times where I had everyone on my side when I lived near Paris felt like centuries ago. How I missed my past life as much as I knew it will never come back. I had to keep going, what choice did I have..?

At the end of the year, one of the girls of that group started to realize how unjustified all this was and started to appreciate who I actually was. As she decided to befriend me, her former partner in crime started mocking her as well, but this time, the rest of the group didn’t quite follow and at the end of that very year, I was no longer the center of their attention, which enabled me to live my second and last year in this school in a more peaceful way. However, some fresh wounds were carving their way into my flesh and I was far from knowing the coming years would make them grow even deeper.

Thanks to my grades and overall profile as a pupil, I got the chance to be selected to enter Lyon’s best middle and high school in September 1998. But this place wasn’t the one all the other pupils from my primary school were going to. So I started this scholarship from scratch, knowing no one once again. It was an international school, classes were mixing “European students”, selected French students, and international students who could fluently speak French and another language. I immediately loved this diversity and difference of horizons from where my classmates came from. I made some very good friends from the beginning, as well as, very soon, new enemies.

I am 1,79m (5,87 foot) tall and back then, from the age of 11 to 18, I was way taller than anybody of my age. Not only was I oddly tall, I was also very slim. Like my mum and dad. Some people would feel threatened by my sole presence. Some people just hated difference. Some people felt the victim in me and found an opportunity to feel superior. Some people envied what they could see in me. For all kinds of reasons, my physical appearance created another set of mockeries and laughs from the people in my class, other people in the school and also on the streets. 

I felt like I was living in a world that was just rejecting me. I felt I didn’t belong. I had been forced to leave a life where I had many friends, a class in which I was popular and one of the best pupils of. The happy colorful time of the beginning of my life felt like decades ago, from another world. 

Portrait of Clémentine by Emilie Garcin
Picture taken during the shooting of VISIONS OF ATLANTIS “The Last Home” video (2018), by Emilie Garcin

Melancholy became a very strong life companion and I subtlety and slowly, ended up wearing only black clothes and silver crosses around my neck, for I felt I was carrying death with me, a little bit every day. Flirting with suicidal thoughts became entertaining. 

People’s laughs accompanied my footsteps for so long that even some years after high school was over, when people laughed on the street, I would turn round, convinced I was what they were laughing about.

Until I was 18, I was not convinced anything about me was truly beautiful. I used to reject my own body in a way, my own face. I wish I looked like Nathalie Portman. I wish I had 10cm less, weighted 5kg more, had more of the curves the guys of my age were obsessed with. 

Having my first boyfriend at 16, then a new one at 17, didn’t help regaining any kind of self-love. 

And yet.

When music (or art) saves the best of you

Yet, aside school and since I was 5, I always practiced a creative activity. I used to take contemporary dance lessons from the age of 5 to 8. When I arrived in Lyon, I wanted to continue dancing but didn’t find any classes of the style I was used to and asked my mum if I could learn the piano instead, because I loved the sound of it, loved the melancholy and romantic feelings I got when listening to it. For 5 years I had a jazz teacher who would very soon initiate me to improvise, which I loved right away. After some time, I realized I didn’t want to learn the piano to play anyone else’s music, but to find my own. I wrote my first piano piece with the help of my teacher, at the age of 9.

When entering middle school, I also joined the school gospel choir and started to develop my singing abilities. I remember myself singing ever since I watched “The Little Mermaid” from Disney, my ultimate favorite Disney princess. Probably because she’s such a rebel, an adventure seeker, with a passion for objects that belong to other times and places and because she follows her heart and takes risks… Anyways! Singing felt natural to me since I was a child and I kept practicing and developing this skill on my own until I was 16 and passed the audition to enter the prestigious Maîtrise de l’Opéra. It is a special class for pupils up to 18 years old, who learn and practice classic singing and join the choir of Lyon’s National Opera for special events on a regular basis. I received a very solid and demanding training in this environment which I didn’t know the codes of and got expelled from lack of knowledge of those very same codes  (but this will be the topic of another article!). However, my voice and interpretation of the pieces were appreciated and I continued in this direction afterwards, joining several choirs of sacred music and taking private singing lessons from opera singers.

Music and singing gave a deeper dimension to my life, offered me moments of pure joy and self expression… When your heart beats faster, when time stops, when you feel there’s nowhere on this planet that you’d rather be…! I felt closer to myself, I felt I could set my heart and mind free when playing the piano or singing. I could create my own island of peace away from everyday’s nightmare at school. And ultimately, I started to have a dream… I knew I could never live without music and that my way in life would have something to do with it. Therefore, I knew I had to find my way or let my way find me…

When you find your artistic world

I discovered Metal in 2005 when “Bring Me To Life” by EVANESCENCE hit my radio and it-was-a-revelation. The way piano matched with heavy guitars, how her voice found a perfect place in this universe felt like a beam of pure light through darkness and despair… their album “Fallen” sounded like the soundtrack of my existence. And ultimately, I knew: THIS is what I wanted to do. I wanted to sing and write songs in a rock band!

The world at school where everyone conforms and aligns with what society will soon expect out of them rejected me. I knew it wasn’t my place. I wasn’t seen nor appreciated for who I was. Even though I still had very good grades and support from a lot of teachers who surely could see my potential, I somewhat always knew the traditional, “normal”, secure way, wasn’t mine. I needed to be able to express myself, to probably let go of all the pain the last decade had put me through.

The same year “Fallen” came out, I began to investigate to find more music of this genre, through magazines, record stores and soon enough, from other metalheads at school who became some of my closest friends, whom I still have today. A friend of mine back then lent me 2 records from NIGHTWISH and this was the second revelation. Symphonic metal, allying the heaviness of rock to the epicness of classical music, moved my heart to its deepest layers and I just wanted to be able to express myself in the same way. So I searched for a band of that genre and the same year I joined my first Metal band in Lyon and started playing concerts at local bars. I was starting to live my dream. But soon I realized I didn’t emotionally connect with the music we were doing and decided to leave. For the next 5 years I tried to put my own band together and started to collaborate and write songs with many different people, because I truly needed someone to help me turn my first piano and voice tracks into metal songs! But something didn’t click. A lot of metal musicians didn’t want a girl as a vocalist and I also felt like I had to spend so much energy to get anything done, somehow, the cosmos didn’t want this to happen! After several disappointments, I resigned and told myself I should enter a band that would need a new singer, instead of trying to form my own. 2 weeks after, WHYZDOM, the very promising philharmonic Metal band from Paris announced that they were looking for their new voice. I couldn’t believe it. Yet, it had been over 5 years since I had not played with a band and on stage and somehow I felt illegitimate to apply to the position. However, at the same time, I heard this tiny voice inside my head who knew how I could sing and she told me that if I didn’t try, I would never know and would never have the chance to show what I am capable of. I applied and they chose me. From this moment on, my goals in life, my priorities, shifted. Back then I had finished my studies (which had nothing to do with the world of music) and I was looking for a regular job, not with the strongest passion as you can imagine. But joining a semi-professional band of this genre of music which I wanted so much to explore as artist and singer, blew this attempt of getting a normal life, for good.

Since 2010, I have been given many chances and opportunities, I have been able to experience touring and playing on stage in front of the most intimate crowds to the largest festivals. I have been invited by some of the most prestigious names in the Heavy Metal scene to take part in their live DVDs, such as Kai Hansen from HELLOWEEN or TARJA, former singer of NIGHTWISH (which was a highly emotional moment for me due to how her former career had inspired me in the past). 

I now have all the support one can dream of to get full confidence back, but I discovered that self-confidence has nothing to do with the amount of love and praise you receive, it’s a tree you water from within. Some of the most charismatic artists I’ve met are still full of insecurities. Self-confidence is something you grow back, from deep within yourself and I would like to give you some hints on how to manage this, if you find yourself struggling with this issue as well.

20 thoughts to recall when dealing with rejection and regain self-confidence

Here is a first list of the 20 major thoughts I personally cultivated when I was rejected and mocked. They helped me through those tough years, and I was able to rebuild a positive relationship with myself which ultimately led to achieving my dreams. So without further ado, here they are:

  1. Whoever you are and whatever you do, some people will love you, some people will hate you. Better do what you love and remain who you are
  2. The way people define you IS NOT who you are
  3. The way you define yourself based on what people are thinking about you IS NOT who you are
  4. If some people reject you, don’t try to understand you, don’t value you, they are not your people
  5. Rejection is redirection
  6. They can only harm you as much as you allow them to, by letting their words reach too deep within
  7. A lot of bullies have a lot of issues themselves (self-confidence related also); happy, confident people don’t bully others
  8. Replying to bullies with humor instead of showing how much they can hurt you, hence showing them the power they can have over you, is the best way to disarm them.
  9. Showing indifference to bullies also tends to calm their attempts at hurting you
  10. Becoming a bully yourself to ease the pain of being rejected doesn’t make your pain go away 
  11. Having activities and friends outside school enables kids to widen their approach to life and relationships
  12. Everyone has special talents, you can learn from anyone
  13. Kindness is the ultimate answer to violence
  14. Your difference is a blessing
  15. Pursuing your dream(s) will empower you and help you overcome such issues
  16. No one can face these situations in your stead, you have to find your strength 
  17. All the strength you gained from any hard moment in life, is a gift for the future. Just imagine you are in that video game and you receive a new powerful weapon every time you get injured fighting a boss. The key is to thank life for bringing in challenges, as every time you meet them, you’re rewarded with strength and knowledge. There are no failures. (Only learning opportunities)
  18. Find what you love to do and what you are good at, do more of it, find people who share the same passion as you and create a solid circle of friends with them
  19. No matter how hard things feel, how desperate a situation seems, how heavy and dark the clouds are, this is a phase and it won’t last forever. This too shall pass
  20. You are your best friend, forever.

No matter where you come from, what you’ve been through, you can become anything you want.

Clémentine Delauney

It’s not always easy to apply all the things above, but reading them or thinking about them regularly helps rooting them inside of you. I definitely didn’t have the worst beginning in life that one can think of. Being bullied at school is unfortunately far too common. However, it would be wrong to underestimate the damages that the constant negativity and aggressivity received from others can cause to a child, a teenager or even an adult. I consider myself lucky that I built resilience from an early age on.

The point that I want to reach with this biographical article is to show you that no matter where you come from, what you’ve been through, you can become anything you want. Believe in yourself, your uniqueness, your talents, your passion, your heart and follow their voices only. 

No one will ever know better than yourself what you are capable of. No one will ever know your worth better than yourself. Respect yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself.

Love yourself.

With love, 
Clémentine

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33 Responses

  1. I would have loved to meet you when you went to school I am the same ages as you a few months older I would have wanted to accompany you at recess to go hand in hand with you I was also rejected but you are good, intelligent, talented so now you are doing well in Life and although you have felt insecure your are beatiful and you have an angelic face as you are tall you have more presence and elegance.
    Greetings from Argentina, I don’t know English much, I use the google translator.

  2. Very inspiring article. Congratulations on your success and overcoming the obstacles that life has handled you.

  3. Loved the blog Clementine,
    Was good to read some of your story,
    Am thinking of doing a blog myself has have me some ideas,
    Blessings of love and bright golden starlight to you 💜💛💜

  4. That was touching. My own childhood was quite similar, with regards to the divorce, the bullying and road to self-discovery. I was two or three years old when my parents left me with my aunt and cousin for a few hours. Later that day, my aunt drove me home and upon arriving, I realized that his car was gone. I cried for hours, feeling like I no longer had a family. At the same time, our situation was seen as a huge problem by my teachers:

    “A bankrupt, jobless and single mom, raising a child – what a scandal!”

    I was shy to begin with, but all of a sudden, I was made into an outsider by teachers aswell as the parents of other students. From then on, school was just one big mess for me and I think I carried this feeling of inadequacy with me for the entire rest of it. Thankfully, there has always been that one person (usually a teacher) who believed in me and did their best to keep me going. I’ve always been passionate about writing and the art of storytelling (constructing imaginary world’s to escape to) and I think it helped me push through my own inner chaos. Thinking back, I’d describe it as swimming through stormy waters. Sometimes you get by. Sometimes you sink and you have to put in some extra effort, to catch another breath, but over time…

    I’m not sure how, but I came out on top and I want to credit these few deep souls I’ve had at my side. I am a writer now and even my regular job is quite enjoyable. I’m happier than I ever deemed possible. In hindsight, I wonder what it was, that made these exact people connect with me. Did they go through something similar in their youth? Did they see themselves in me? I think they did. Today, I understand that whatever pain we go through, will either break us (which it rarely does) or grant us empathy and a more profound understanding of the human soul. With that in mind, I feel like my life has come full circle and now it’s my turn, to believe in those who need it. I wouldn’t change a single thing about my past and I want to add that absolutely anyone can find inner peace and happiness in life.

    • Hello Frederick,
      Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, I feel you very much.
      I totally agree with you, overcoming our past is the only way to unleash our potential, be the best version of ourselves and help others back! I am very happy for you that you managed that!

  5. Clementine,
    Thank you for sharing your story! Very interesting …
    It’s an honour to share my thoughts with you and the fine audience of this website.
    This is how I see the world – We both are heading the same way but in a different avenue.

    All boils down to “self-esteem”.
    Self-esteem is a comprehensive and powerful principle.
    · Accepting yourself the way you are
    · Rate yourself highly the way you are today – you’re perfect the way you are today
    · Does not matter the weight, skin-colour, type of passport, career, how much money you’ve, who are you’re friends, what music you like, etc.
    · You’re same as others (you’re not less nor more than others) – don’t feel less if you’re with top executives, don’t feel more than the sweeper of your building.
    · Your happiness depends on you – not on others or on something
    · Happiness is in present time – today and right now
    · It’s does not matter if you’re married, single, divorced, have sons, don’t have sons, have parents, don’t have parents, etc.
    · It’s does not matter if you own or don’t own a car, house, latest iPhone, the newest clothes, etc.
    · Accept that you won’t be liked by others (in many occasions)
    · Tolerate tough realities – such as covid 19
    · Live today, so don’t wait till covid is gone, in order to live or be happy
    · Don’t let the environment drive your happiness – you drive or manage the environment
    · Be assertive – say yes, when you need to say yes. Don’t say yes or no, just to please others
    · Stand up to what you believe – but not defend yourself – just make your point. Other may like your input, others may dislike your input. Both of them are ok.
    · You don’t depend on the approval of others
    · Be appreciate/thankful for little – nature. This way, you’ll value the big things
    · Learn from mistakes, but don’t be pounding yourself for mistakes
    · Be respectful to others – everyone can make their points
    · Keep your eyes open – don’t let others take the advantage

    About me … I am from Mexico, lived in USA and now my hometown is Ireland:
    I
    apply in Europe what I described above about self-esteem and that allows me to blend into the different European cultures without difficulties – personally and professional.

    I hope enjoyed “my views”

    Have a good day

    • Hello Miguel,
      Thank you for your message and these upliftings thoughts and ideas! Self validation is so important, being able to set boundaries and not please others is key too. I totally agree with you!

  6. Thank you Clementine. Much love to you. Narcissism invades our society today. That’s the type personality bullies have. I learned from Dr. Ramani, narc survivor, Melanie Tonia Evans and Dr. Les Carter on YouTube about narcissism. Dr. Ramani is the one I refer to regularly. Narcissists steal emotional life energy from people who create their own emotional energy in life. You create your own life energy as I do and we have to protect it from narcissists. Stay safe and guard your heart from these monsters. Much love. Nancy L. Brown

    • Hello Nancy,
      Thank you for your insight about this narcissist profile that some bullies can have, it’s very interesting!

  7. My dear Clemi, reading your story feels like reading my own. My family exploded when I was 8, I moved, got bullied for years, but art was always my secret companion.
    I remember meeting you when you joined Whyzdom and how you were so mentally strong and had such a beautiful aura. I knew you would go far, and I am so happy you never gave up.
    I know how demanding this industry is and working on my own musical projects has made me face my issues with low self-esteem. Being told repeatedly by male musicians I wasn’t good enough of a songwriter and not hot enough as a singer has made me second-guess myself but your words help me on my journey to create the real goth darwave metal music I want to make.
    Thank you for being who your are 😘

    • Hello Cathy,
      Yes I do remember our encounter too, which I keep a very nice memory of and I wish I would have seen you more often afterwards!
      This musical industry is hard indeed but I know counter examples of women and artists who went for their art despite the harsh criticisms. Don’t let that reach you or change the perception you have of yourself. We need to keep a learning mind, strive to get better at everything, leave our ego aside but first of all, we need to find joy in what we do. There are so many ways to enjoy art, I think the most important thing in the end, as an artist, is to meet the audience that appreciates what you do. Go for your art and creativity! Don’t let yourself down!

      • Thank you so much for your kind words! We’ll meet again someday!
        And I agree, we have to go on until the right people appreciate us!

  8. Dear Clémentine,

    I just want to thank you for this article. I’m struggling with so much negativity and a lack of self-confidence right now, so this post is exactly what I was looking for — sometimes we need to hear the right things from the right people, and it changes our lives forever— because you are a real role model for me and I’m passionate about your music, appearance, thoughts and special atmosphere you’re spreading through your social media.
    I was rejected so many times and even forced to stop thinking about music as my future profession. Now I’m on my way to find a better place and a sacral meaning for my heart and my soul.

    With all my heart,
    Olga

    • Hello Olga,
      Thank you very much for your message, I appreciate deeply. No one can judge what’s good for you or not. Cultivate the joy you find in music, joy is never a bad sign. But we have to keep a learning mind, striving to get better. If your goal is to make music professionally, look for what it takes, what are the competences and standards that are in place, seek the right training or education.
      I’m happy to read you’re on you way to find a better place!
      If you have any questions about how to get back to your musical practice, don’t hesitate to contact me!
      I wish you all the best!

  9. Clementine is one of my favorite singers, artists and now, writers. Her wisdom does well to remind me of the ways I can help support the women in my life, and as a man, learn from them as well. The comeback is much stronger than the setback, and Clementine is living proof.

    • Hello Bryan,
      Thank you very much for your words about learning from women. Our perception of this world is as valid of the perception men can have even though I don’t want to make any generalities here! Understanding each other would lead to more love and more peace. Thank you!

  10. Dear Clémentine. I think it’s quite brave of you to open up to the world and tell your story. Showing your vulnerability and in meantime offering solutions to find a way out and building a life for yourself and with enough self esteem to cope with daily downfalls is very inspiring for young people who go through the same struggle everyday. Thank you for your honesty. I’m looking forward to reading more from you. Love, Chris.

  11. Adversity has made you the wonderful and sensitive person you are today. Thanks for sharing the story.
    “Si Encuentras Un Camino Sin Obstáculos, Probablemente No lleva a Ningún Lado” creo que se traduce como “If You Find An Unobstructed Path, It Probably Goes Nowhere”

  12. Cada palabra está escrita desde el sentimiento más profundo y genuino de alguien que se ha sentido excluido y sin posibilidad de ver una salida. Pero a su vez expresado con el más profundo amor y empatía. Para quien padece o padeció una situación adversa y sofocante pueda llegar a ver una salida y creer en si mismo aceptandose con sus defectos y virtudes, amándose.
    ¡Muchas gracias Clementine, Hermosas palabras provenientes de alguien llena de amor !

    Each word is written from the deepest and most genuine feeling of someone who has felt excluded and without the possibility of seeing a way out. But in turn expressed with the deepest love and empathy. For those who suffer or suffered from an adverse and suffocating situation, they can come to see a way out and believe in themselves, accepting their defects and virtues, loving themselves.
    Thank you very much Clementine, Beautiful words from someone full of love!
    PD: I Also find Evanescence in hard Time (2005) and ‘Fallen’ goes in to calm for my storm time.

  13. You are an awesome singer!!! I heard your voice and loved it inmidiatly!!! I follow your bands and sing your songs!!! I have my metal band called cinnamun beloved with two albums and a dvd but its hard in Argentina…besides I sing in english so many people here cant get our songs but I remain and keep trying harder…
    I was bulled in highschool too but Im over it, I need more self steme and confidence but its hard…I feel I worth nothing…
    Thanks for your words!!!
    Love!
    Sabrina

    • Hello Sabrina,
      Thank you for your words! Being in a band today you have the chance to have internet where you can spread your music! You don’t have to focus on the people in your country, you can reach people from all over the world, how about increasing your band’s online activity?
      It’s important to cultivate a high self-esteem and it starts with minding the words we use when we talk to ourselves. You’re worth as much as anyone out there. Start talking to you in the nicest way, cheering you up. How to feel good in your skin if you keep repeating yourself you’re worth nothing? It’s impossible. Be your best friend, your first fan. Be the love to yourself that you might seek outside. It all starts with you and the relationship you have with yourself. And the good news is, this you can change!
      I wish you all the best with your band!

    • Hello Sabrina,
      Thank you for your words! Being in a band today you have the chance to have internet where you can spread your music! You don’t have to focus on the people in your country, you can reach people from all over the world, how about increasing your band’s online activity?
      It’s important to cultivate a high self-esteem and it starts with minding the words we use when we talk to ourselves. You’re worth as much as anyone out there. Start talking to you in the nicest way, cheering you up. How to feel good in your skin if you keep repeating yourself you’re worth nothing? It’s impossible. Be your best friend, your first fan. Be the love to yourself that you might seek outside. It all starts with you and the relationship you have with yourself. And the good news is, this you can change!
      I wish you all the best with your band!

  14. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s inspiring to know that someone whose voice touches your heart have had a similar life. I also experienced losing a life that I loved just to be thrown to a new and undesirable reality. I, too, ended up being the one different from what was socially accepted and preferred by everyone. My story is a bit different, though.

    I was a happy child, even if I was born without a father. I lived with my grandparents, my mother, an uncle and an aunt. However, at the age of 7, the doctors found I had a brain tumor that led me to some weeks at the hospital and through a few surgeries. I survived, but my life changed cause I went out of all that with a facial paralysis and strabismus. The echo of the shocking horror I felt when I saw myself for the first time still sounds in my heart. I thought I was dreaming, I didn’t want that, and it took me years to accept that change. I believed everyone was going to reject me, mock me and hate me. I didn’t want to be seen, I just wanted to go back to what I was… but that wasn’t possible.

    Fortunately, people didn’t bully me as I expected, but I did that job myself. Yes, this means self-hatred: I was the one hating myself, calling myself many things, desiring not to be alive. That part of my childhood and my teenager years were so hard and I was alone most of the times. My uncle and aunt left the house, my mother was busy with her job and I developed a depression I didn’t treat correctly until many years passed. It all led me to a late realization of my dreams, when highschool was years behind and I could only think about myself as an useless human being, and most of the times I still think about myself like that.

    I will be 32 years old tomorrow and I have never worked due to depression, fear and all that. My passions are writing and practicing karate. How I wish I could live from my books and from teaching this martial art. But my lack of confidence and social skills make all this difficult. The bitter feelings I had when I was small have grown with me, and most of the times I don’t even enjoy social interactions. Still, I keep writing and I keep training, but feeling like I miss something, like the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz.

    But reading an article like this, Clémentine, gives me hope. Like a breeze coming from a place where those who have walked through darkness embrace now the sun. I hope to be there some day, far from all negativity and having success, if I ever deserved it. So I thank you, I will read again your 20 thoughts cause I think they are very right. And, well, nowadays you are one of my top favourite singers; I hardly get goosebumps while listening to a voice, but I got it while listening to you! That’s why I would like to inspire one of my characters from my books on you! Well, we writers pour what inspires us in our stories! I shortened my personal one, but it is full of many other details, good moments too and lessons of life. It wasn’t dark everyday, but it really still weighs on me.

    My best regards.

    • Hello Daniel,
      Yes you will get out of darkness, you weren’t born there. Some things, people and unfortunately yourself, have lead you there. When you use such words as “I hope to be there someday, far from all negativity and having success, if I ever deserved it”, you already question your ability to deserve success. Therefore it will be very hard to get any. We all deserve success, joy and freedom. You’re as worthy as anyone else!
      Depression is fueled by negative self-talk. How can you find confidence if you keep repeating yourself that you have any? How to have peaceful relationship with people, if you don’t nourish a good relationship to yourself? It all starts with you. You need to, first of all, want to get out of that situation, to really truly want it. Then to check what little actions you can take everyday to start looking at the bright side of yourself and the world around you. You have the ability to write and practice karate, that’s amazing, maybe you can cherish gratitude for that. Gratitude is a wonderful feeling to have to fight against negativity.
      I have a gratitude journal, and I write down regularly, all the things that I am grateful for and when you do that often, your mind starts to focus more on the positive things than the bad ones because it starts to get a nice feeling from it.
      That’s a first small step that you can make: get a journal and right every day 3 things that you are grateful for, even if you can’t think of anything, you still can be grateful for being alive, having a valid body and being healthy…!
      The great news about the relationship we have with ourselves is that we can change it! No more negative self-talk and more gratitude for a start, if you wish to try this out, I’d be happy to follow the results!
      I wish you all the best.

      • “Thanks Clémentine for…” That’s how I resumend my gratitude journal nearly two months ago. It was a habit I had abandoned in 2017, when I had written some entries thanks to a therapist’s advice. It was very nice to read what I wrote so much time ago and to add new lines. It’s something I totally recommend, cause remarking the good things of life, even if they are small, is a positive influence that helps with the struggles.

        Of course, I still have a lot to do. So much darkness as I have had in my life cannot be defeated just with this, but it’s better to stand with a little light in a hand than sitting in the shadows. A beginning can always lead to another stage of life, and that’s what I want to reach. So, thank you again, Clémentine, for this change you have inspired! May we keep our journals updated despite the hard times!

        With my best wishes, regards.

  15. I loved reading that, I can relate with it too and I needed to read this too, I’ve felt kinda depressed for the past few days

    • Hello Henry,
      Thank you for your message! If you feel depressed, allow yourself to understand the exact feeling that lies underneath, and to embrace it. The hurt part of yourself is still yourself and we need to accept it, not reject it. However, we shall not let it rule our life, we shall not focus on that hurt part. Let’s focus on what brings us joy and on positive feelings such as gratitude. Despite the reasons that make you feel depressed, I am sure you can find many things to be grateful for and maybe you can try to cherish gratitude through a gratitude journal, writing down everyday 3 things that you are grateful for. I do it myself and its wonderful how focusing on the things we are thankful for can totally change our mood and uplift our spirit!

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